ANNOYED

Today has been one of my more generally exhausting days at work. I presented the All About Me project to my students and they seemed to be pretty receptive to it. Or maybe they were just excited to see me showcase more of my weirdness. Either way, it was a good half-hour this morning. But when I came back from the medical center to get my TB test, they were outrageously out of hand. More so than usual. We worked on problem-solving and ratios, and the teacher that I work with got it ALL WRONG. And I'm just worried that my students are going to go into the WKCE in a few weeks and perform terribly on the Math portion because he's constantly misinforming them. And how am I supposed to counteract that as a tutor?? As a student, you're taught to believe everything that comes out of your teacher's mouth. I'm new here. SO WHAT DO I DO??? idk idk idk idk. Good news today though, I finally got my focus list of students I'll be working with one-on-one this year. Yay. . . .

For the Deep Thinkers of the Universe

"if you fear the gun you will never be calm enough to hit your target." -- African Proverb

Love Letter to My Razor

See

You and i
What we have is a love-hate relationship
And even though its going to pain me to do this
I kinda figure you’re gonna be able to relate to it
i. . .
gotta let you go
you’ve hurt me so good
and although we’ve bled together
you are not good for my soul
you damaged the most visible parts of me
to give a voice to the part of me that no one could see
and I hear you
loud and clear baby
the fat lady has sung
and the curtains have closed
because our love was built on a foundation
of my failures unsewed
I must admit that I used you
Took your beautiful, sharp edges
And showcased my ugliness
Bared my teeth when you and I were alone
With you, I permanently inscribed the lyrics to my soul’s poem
So lines that will never fade into the background
Serve as a permanent reminder of pain I couldn’t take
Inflicted on a life I had no desire to live
I love you
But I’ve just got to leave
Because being with you chips away at the very best parts of me
And I only love you
Because you teach me how to hate myself so well
So to this love-hate relationship
I’m saying farewell
And eventually, I’ll learn how to deal when shit hits the fan
And life’s fecal matter is splayed across my face
But I can’t use you anymore
Because I want a chance to live the life you threatened to erase
I’ll always remember your cold, gleaming smile
And the edginess that cut deep;
Made my tears run a river of red
I love you
But somebody else will be sleeping in your bed
I’m moving on

The Social Network (social reality at its best)

Saw this movie Saturday night. Fell in love with it after the first scene. I don’t know Mark Zuckerberg from Adam and Eve, but after watching that film, I feel closer to him than some of the people I hang out with. The movie was A+ for me guys. It had expertly drawn characters, witty dialogue, and a plot that you had no choice but to pay attention to. Jesse Eisenberg displayed wonderful acting ability as the famed Mark Zuckerberg. I couldn’t have asked for a better Saturday date night Movie. I’m recommending it to all of my friends and anybody who happens to read this blog. Below, is my fav quote from the movie (or one of because there were so many!).
Facebook Lawyer: Mr. Zuckerberg, do I have your full attention?
Mark Zuckerberg: [stares out the window] No.
Facebook Lawyer: Do you think I deserve it?
Mark Zuckerberg: [looks at the lawyer] What?
Facebook Lawyer: Do you think I deserve your full attention?
Mark Zuckerberg: I had to swear an oath before we began this deposition, and I don’t want to purjure myself, so I have a legal obligation to say no.
Facebook Lawyer: Okay - no. You don’t think I deserve your attention.
Mark Zuckerberg: I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try - but there’s no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention - you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing.
[pauses]
Mark Zuckerberg: Did I adequately answer your condescending question? 

Why is She So Gorgeous?

Africans Got it Right

Speaking to the 7th grade teacher that I work with, and he's from Senegal. He told me that in Africa it is extremely rare for a married couple to divorce because they understand that the family is the biggest wealth. wow.

--
Tia Love

"a million people could be pushing against you & it wouldn't negatively affect you unless you pushed back"

When Will it End??

Do You Even Fully Comprehend??

This is one of my most favorite poems ever. At times, the wording can be a little difficult, and I find myself struggling to get it right, but the message is loud and clear. And maybe that's because I've always shrugged off societal obligations and gone my own way. Since birth I've been blessed with a mind of my own, and this poem expounds on what that means.

The Road Less Traveled 

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

...Robert Frost

My Fav Quote

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."

Survival Tip #2

Make it all about you. I know people say you aren’t supposed to be selfish and you’re supposed to take into account the feelings of those around you, but I’m yelling FUCK THAT from the top of every mountain. I’m not saying that your close-knit circle of friends and family don’t matter, but when shit truly hits the fan, and the fecal matter that is your life is splattered across your face, the only person that’ll be there to clean up the mess is you. So be good to you. Buy yourself a little treat every now and then. Take you out to the movies and nice dinners. Stop allowing lame fucks to come in and shit all over you. You deserve better. And the quicker you come to this realization, the next time your life falls to pieces (and it will), you’ll have you to help put the pieces back together. Hey, I’m just trying to help you survive this chess game that is life. 

For the Girls With Big Dreams. . .

"everyday is a fashion show

and life is the runway"

Live glamorously <3

"What becomes of the broken-hearted?

they buy shoes"

Is This Marilyn?

Drawn by Daniela Uhlig 

more of her work can be found here: daniela uhlig drawings

Survival Tip #1

“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.” ~Lemony Snicket

Cleaning Out My Closet Pt. 1

This is me, de-cluttering my mind && detaching myself from the shit that wants to knock me down, bury me under, and make me a prisoner on life's terms.

To authoritative figure in my life who abused their power to try && ruin my life: BIG FUCK YOU. There are more choice words I would like to use and ways in which I would love to tell you to fuck yourself but to do so would give you the upper hand in the situation. I could care less for your shitty position in life and I can only pray that things straighten out in your life so that you can stop blaming your subordinates every time your husband spends another night with a different woman.

To the people who said they would be here forever(i.e. "friends"): if I were angry I would wish for you to fall off the face of this earth. But anger is only a secondary emotion that covers for the primary, which in my case is pain. I'm hurt by your actions and confused by your lack of a motive. Is this your idea of friendship?? You hurt me when things don't work out in your favor?? Miss me with that high school bullshit because you're only becoming another number on a long list of reasons to commit myself. I don't need you nor do I want you here if I relationship is so fragile that something so minor could shake our shit to the core. I need bold, strong, stable people in my life. And that is not you.

To my parents: next time, try a condom

To kendall hayes: you are the scum on the bottom of satan's shoe. Every negative emotion there it to feel about a person, I feel for you. I don't want you to die, as a matter of fact I hope you live a long life. And as the years go on, I hope that every woman you get involved with takes you to the edge of love's bliss and pushes you right off the cliff so when you hit the ground, your heart can shatter into invisible fragments. && then I want you to try loving someone with those little pieces and watch them shatter that too. You are not deserving of the sunshine in your eyes so may it forever rain on your parade. And you know how you always used to put me down & tell me no one would ever love me the way you do, I found somebody to do it [BIGGER && BETTER.]

To the sick fucks who rape & molest: I do hope u die, a long slow death. And if there is a hell, I hope u go there and have ur flesh peeled by the devil himself. You are not deserving of the next breaths God has graced you with but my rage won't take them away from you. So I can only rant & rave to soothe my pain.

To the innocent victims of rape & sexual assault: I shed a tear for you every day. I know its hard. I know that on most nights you wake up in a cold sweat; your heart seized with terror. These are merely symptoms that can't be controlled. But you can control your own life. Don't allow your experience to take your life & or your smile away. There's a reason you survived :)

To my Aki: in my darkest hour, you came to me with a lit soul && profound wisdom. You offered me your smile in exchange for my thoughts. Helped pick me up & put me on the road to recovery. Where other ppl failed, you succeeded. And for that I will always love you. No matter where this is headed or what happens to our future together, you will always hold a special place in my heart as the extraordinary man who pushed me to my limit and made me feel safe again. Gracias. And for as long as your are my King && I your Queen, I will always have your back & protect your position in the big game of chess that is life. 831

More Untitled Writing

Marlon Brown was a man all about action and results. Whatever he saw and wanted, he made a plan, took action, and got it. He wanted to graduate at the top of his collegiate class, so he made a four-year plan, studied hard, and made it a reality. His wife, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, was another challenge. He met her in a study group at a time when she was very uninterested men and relationships. But he wanted her. He made a plan, took action, and married her two years after that first meeting.

            Eight years later, he felt as if he had conquered it all. Started his own business, traveled the world, and had many different women were just a few of the things he had checked off of his bucket list. And now he felt burnt out. What was next for the man who had tried and done everything?

            His parents and friends said it was time for him to settle down and start a family. But he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Tara hadn’t said anything to him about it either. But then again, she hadn’t been saying too much of anything to him. Especially since the panty incident.

            Sitting in his office, he cursed himself for his carelessness. How could he have been stupid enough to sleep with Janelle in the bed he shared with his wife? He didn’t love Janelle. He didn’t love any of the women he slept around with. Tara was the only woman outside of his mother that he loved.

            Other women did not appeal to his emotions. He didn’t take them on dates or buy them nice things like he did for Tara. Tara was his heart; his one and only. On rainy days, just the thought of her chased his storm clouds away. He just had to have other women sexually. Not because she didn’t satisfy him, her love making was the cream of the crop. He couldn’t explain it; and even if he could, Tara would never understand. And that’s why he had lied to her about the panties when his heart screamed to tell her the truth. She would leave him if she ever found out about Janelle. Other women she might be able to handle, but never her sister.

            Ping! His Blackberry sounded off, notifying him of a text message. He checked it and frowned when he saw Janelle’s name.

            “We need to talk, dinner later?”

            He ignored the text message and called his secretary in over the intercom. Sharon had been his secretary since he’d started Modern Days magazine, and he started fucking her about a year after he married Tara. She didn’t really do much for him in the ways of attraction; but one night when they were both working late at the office, she just whipped his dick out and gave him one of the best blow jobs he’d ever had. Tara didn’t do oral so Sharon was more of a “filler” for his insatiable sex appetite.

            “Yes Boss?”

            “Sharon, what else is on my schedule for this afternoon?”

            “Nothing sir, remember your meeting with Schick got moved to next week Wednesday.”

            “Alright, I’m going to take the rest of the day off.” He disconnected the call and gathered his things.

            He was interested in dinner, but only with his wife. He had been neglecting her for the past few months, and he didn’t want to lose her. Despite his transgressions, he loved his wife with all of his heart. And he was intent on showing her that.

He Made the Heartbreak Worth It

When I thought I would never smile again

He picked me up and re-educated me on the joys of laughter

Taught me that the meaning of a real man

Extended far beyond good dick, conversation, and the pretend happily-ever-afters

When I thought the tears would become a perpetual event

His shoulders became my tissues

His mind was my open book to escape from the reality of my pain

And his ears became the bumpers upon which I vented my issues

When the pen decided it wouldn’t bleed for me anymore

He offered me the chance to meditate through new means

Gave me a new frame and a new utensil

And I painted a picture justifying the ends that you will never see

Hey. . .Chicken Little Said This Would Happen

I have the absolute best luck in the world. Can you feel the sarcasm oozing through the screen? To be serious about the situation though, my life is a joke. Through and through I keep coming out the loser, in every situation I'm forced to go through. But you know what, I take my L's with a big smile on my face. From my 21 years of life, I've learned that everything happens for a reason. Even in the moment where you are the happiest and you think nothing can ever possibly go wrong, there is a lesson to be learned. So yeah, every time I turn around, life is knocking me down to my knees, but I refuse to crumble so easily. These shoulders have carried the many heartbreaks of a hopeless romantic; the deaths of loved ones, and the failures of a girl who's learned how to do the shit with style; so sorry life, but you won't be claiming me as one of the lost souls. You can throw every curveball you have. Tear down every bridge I've built to connect with the people closest to me. Take away the things that matter the most and I will still be standing here. I ain't leaving until I my heart stops. And you can bet that when the smoke clears and I've finally succeeded, I'll stand tall (in my stilettos) and tell all of you who left me hanging in the balance to suck on something unhealthy and have a nice life.

Which Person Are You???

this speaks volumes to me, does it do the same for you??? 

Following Up With the Suspense

      Janelle, practiced in camouflagin emotions, kept her face blank at her sister's revelation. What does she know? There's no way she would let a man like Marlon go without concrete evidence. All of these things ran through her mind in a matter of seconds as her mouth moved to ask, "why, what happened?"
      Tara sighed, not wanting to relive the awful memory of finding the panties, and the fight that followed after. But she needed to tell Janelle. So she conceded and said, "he's cheating me."
      Janelle widened her eyes in fake surprise. "What? How did you find out?"
      "The tramp left her damn animal print thongs in my bed." Tara sneered at the thought and resisted the strong urge to grab her cigarette from the ashtray.
       Was I really that careless to leave underwear in my own sister's bed? I truly am slipping. "Well, what did Marlon say?" Janelle shrugged off her carelessness. She knew there was no way her sister would ever implicate her as the "other woman."
       "He just shrugged and told me they must be an old pair of mine."
        Oh yeah, way to explain that one away Marlon. 
        "Even if I could wrap my head around that explanation, there's no explaining the note I found in his jeans last week."
         This revelation made Janelle's blood run cold. She didn't write Marlon love notes. She barely even spoke to him outside of their physical trysts every week. Anger coursed through her veins making her temples throb. Or was it really anger? Love had never played a role in her fling with Marlon. But she was still in disbelief. Not only was he sleeping around on his wife, he was sleeping around on his mistress too. She frowned and leaned forward to comfort her sister, who now had tears pouring down her face.
         Tara could no longer hold it all in. She broke down once she was in her sister's embrace. To finally open up to the girl who had once been her best friend about the pain she had been feeling for months was a godsend. In her younger sister's arms, she felt for the first time in a long time, that things just might be okay.

Therapy 2007

This is a poem I wrote for me and a friend--- maybe it can help you pull through if you've been through something similar

These words are meant to inspire
When the tears at night aren’t doing their job,
And you can’t seem to hold yourself tight enough,
Turn to these words.
Wrapped in care,
Spoken with genuine love,
I just want these words to take care of you
Uplift that beautiful soul and put a smile on your face
Because I’m tired of seeing you cry.
It’s not much,
But its what kept me alive
When that emotional shit was eating me up inside
And all I really wanted to do was die
Yeah, the prospect was looking more inviting ever day.

First and foremost,
Know that you are beautiful
And no one is more important to you than you
Men can’t handle it
And girls who hate it call you a bitch
But
They don’t matter when you’re in a relationship with yourself
Loving you as much as you deserve
And I know its some dudes with a lot of nerve
Some who have made you compromise your purity and beauty
To be treated as something beneath a boy
Who doesn’t have the balls to feel like a man
Without taking something that doesn’t belong to him.
He may have gotten away with raping your physical
But never let that sick sucka think he got away with your soul
It’s the only thing that’s keeping you whole
And truth be told…
His sorry ass aint worth the tears.
Never give up on dreaming or living your life because of your fears
Don’t doubt your self-worth because somebody failed to see you
For the diamond in the rough that you really are
Take a look in the mirror to make sure you see yourself
For the special person you are
Don’t hold on to that hate in your heart
Realize forgiveness is the greatest place to start
If you don’t know how that goes,
just follow my example:

Dear Mr. Man who raped ME:

You probably thought you had me fooled
And you definitely didn’t think you’d be hearing from me so soon
Especially with this smile on my face
I came to terms with what you took away
But from that experience I gained so much more
Then whatever the hell you were going for
I’ve realized that I’m worthy of real love
Which will always be given from the man above
And if you can’t learn to respect me as a woman
Then be prepared to lose your rights as a human
Because I will no longer be silent.

I don’t hate you
And I don’t want to kill you
Though you deserve nothing less
Than the best
Cracking down on yo skull
With weighty boots…
But I got something better…
I forgive you…

Sincerely,
God’s Child

Pure Comedy

I don't know if any of you have watched the show Tosh.0 on Comedy Central, but I catch a few of his clips on youtube every now and then. Here's one of my favorites dealing with "trust falls." Watch to the end, because that's the best part!!

watch his video on surprise trust falls here

Katy Perry Flashes More Than Her Personality at the Met Ball

The always stunning Katy Perry stunned again on the red carpet at the Met Ball in her dress that literally lit up. And she paired it with Christian Louboutin heels, which you can never go wrong with! Keep that fabulous, original style coming Miss Katy and you could always kiss this particular girl! (wink, wink)

She has the classic, pin-up beauty and I just love it! What girl wouldn't want to give her a few kisses????

Eva Longoria is Beautiful

Just thought I would share this picture of the lovely Eva Longoria at the Met Ball. I don't know who made the dress, or shoes, or did her make-up, but she is rocking the hell out of all it. She has the kind of beauty that you can't even be mad at. You just have to stop, look, stare for five minutes, wish a little, and then smile. Hats off to you Miss Eva, you are doing the damn thing!

Lessons from My Father #1

      Being up in the air, flying, often provides me with the time and space to reflect and recover. Right now, I can't help thinking about my father and all of the sacrifices he made to raise me as a single parent. It had to be extremely difficult. As a 21 year-old woman without kids, I struggle to take care of myself at times. So I can only imagine the road blocks encountered as a middle-aged black man raising two little girls.

      I don't think I hate my mother, but at times like this, I feel insanely close. How could she leave my daddy as a single parent, and leave me and my sisters to fend for ourselves in the mysterious and confusing realm of womanhood?? Ugh, fuck her. Despite it all, my daddy made his situation work for him and it is from watching him succeed in his endeavors that I draw my strength for life.

      Things don't always go as planned, and they're constantly falling apart for me, but because my daddy pushed through, shouldn't I be able to? Aren't I my father's child? In my twenty-one years that I've had with my wonderful father, I've learned one major lesson that I feel hard pressed to share with the world. When my daddy passes (huge touchy subject), the thing that will remain at the forefront of my mind (besides my love for him) is this:

       Life is one tough cookie, and its always going to crumble. But that doesn't mean I have to crumble with it. It's all a series of of breakdowns and reconstructions so when your pieces fall apart, take some time to reflect, recover, and then get down to the task of reconstructing it all into something better. Besides, its YOUR life. Grab that shit by the horns and enjoy what is sure to be a long, bumpy, and VERY eventful ride.



"just when the caterpillar thought life was over, it became a butterfly."

XoXo,
T

Could Our Immune System Fight off HIV?

So, I just read this amazing article that explained that there may be a way that our bodies could fight off HIV without any help. According to some things Darwin studied awhile ago (you can tell I'm not a big science buff), there is a prehistoric gene in our DNA that produces a protein called retrocyclin which prevents HIV from entering our body. Sounds pretty cool, and it would be an amazing break-through if things really did work out that way. Imagine all of the people and children that could be helped by this. I get tears in my eyes Just thinking about it.

Read the full article here

A Poet Close to My Heart-- In Honor of National Poetry Month

This is a poem written a few years back, before this poet became hot on Milwaukee's streets. At the time, he was just a shy 19-year-old who used the pen and pad as his weapon against the world. Now, nearing 23, the pen and paper are still his weapon of choice, but he's turned it into something far greater. He shares his gift with the world. No longer able to bear the weight of lost souls on his shoulders alone, he stands on stages and rips mics to pieces as he spits lyrical bullets into the heart of the crowd. Many monikers, one man shooting for the goal to inspire and incite change. I offer a bit of the man I know and love with all of my heart through his poem:

Rainy Day

Everyday is a struggle
And Each day brings another night that I hold tight to my expectations of someone else's life
I find myself hurting constantly on the phone like:
"You gotta be better than that
Why did you settle for that?"
Settlin for his half ass attempts at respecting you
But you don't even give yourself none when respect his due
Cause he a dog but you actually sit and watch his ass
Roamin from yo house to the grass of the neighbors
holdin his chew toys in between yo thighs lookin stupid cause he played you
You think you in charge of the game so you stay there
And even when I told you it was over you still aint care
"You gotta be better than that
Why did u settle for that?"
I saw my nigga really turn into a nigga one day because he couldn't control his demons
G's in the pockets of a street's version of a genius who's seen by the cops
And when the cuffs is too hard for him to handle I ask him
"Why did u settle for that?"
He admits that it was all about cash
and his "street smarts" didn't come equipped with the kit that gives him the ability
to think his plan out realistically and since he smoked more than a chimney
He couldn't even feel it the night he got stabbed more than a homicide victim
He aint never know that this would come
And now he can't even feel it when he shittin stuff
I know high school dropouts that could've been college graduates
But looked at the ACT and aint try to pass it so they sat on they ass with they minds movin backward
and I ask:
"Why do we settle for less?"
My mind constantly asks my heart this question
and it does nothin but beat back
My brain couldn't determine what the answer meant
So I sent a couple of prayers to heaven hopin that GOD would reply
but I never got one when I just looked into the skies waitin impatiently
so I began to find my mind that I had just about lost by this time
A friend asked me why I cared so much even though I'm never physically there
I said " Whether I know people or not, a stop can be given through prayer . . .
And I'm just tryin to help them get they lives right
They sit at home and I'm on the battlefield fightin for their benefit,
so I always just pick up my sword while I'm carryin my own cross and deal with it"
My friend said somethin about stress but by this time I had a feeling that I just had to rest and 
She told me to go and lay down and that it would be my best bet . . .
That night my mind asked my heart why did I care so much and my heart did nothin but beat back
but it stopped for a minute once I saw a flash
I cautiously stepped outside as if I didn't know what would happen next
as thunder rolled and rumbled through my chest
Rain began to drop to the concrete and GOD said:
"You've been holding in this pain all week"
My worrying about others had always been a secret
But GOD told me he brought me here for a reason
He told me their burdens would be blessings if they only believed in him 
And not to let it worry me, he said to release it
I told him I didn't want anyone else to see
And he said, "The only one that matters is me"
So I began to let my tears fill my eyes in the rain
I let each pain fade away
As GOD used the rain to cleanse my face
So that only he and I would know what had takin place
Not only was the storm a symbol of what the world was goin through
But GOD revealed to me that he was crying too
He used his tears to wash mines away
Told me about all of the lives at stake
And told me that all i need to do is pray
Then I admitted that I wasn't in my rightful place
And GOD used his power to let the wind gently lift my face as he whispered in my ear
"Nothing that u go through is a mistake, I'm using your life to save others,
so let my presence fill your body and spread my word"
I accepted his proposal and before he let me go he said, "remember everything that I just told u"
They say that men aint supposed to cry but if the world does then why can't I?
So to this day I use storms as a masquerade
And use God’s tears to wash my face
When pressures are too hard to take and all the ones I love are making life-threatening mistakes
I keep my head high as I walk and nod when I talk to GOD and we sob together
Cause we know it won’t be like this forever

More Poetry to Celebrate National Poetry Month

THIS IS ONE OF MY  MOST FAVORITE POEMS IN THE WORLD!!! Next to the things the man closest to me writes, I cherish this poem and listen to it a few times a week. It reminds me that everybody isn't just a carbon copy of what they see on tv and read about in magazine. Everybody doesn't want to be Barbie you know. . . 

The poem is titled "Barbie and Ken 101" by Rafael Casal who performed it on an episode of HBO's Def Poetry Jam

sometimes I feel like I'm sittin' in the back of Barbie and Ken 101
a class we're all in, but never seem to learn from
Some general ed requirement for
Students of American culture
one that convinces even the brightest
of young women that sex is survival of the thinnest
and I'm sick of this education that doesn't serve our best interests
my teacher has no face
she is every Revlon model women have ever chased
her lectures can be seen in the backs of  magazines, beauty adds and marketing campaigns,
shit
just turn on your tv
this just in, a skewed perspective for todays youth y'all ladies aint thin enough, fellas aint trim
enough, wanna be sexy?
Y'all don't go to the gym enough, cut to commercial, 

come on

just tune
just tune into their maintenance team, tell you you're ugly then tell you how to fix it with maybelline
please
They just moldin' Barbie to fit the new trend
next they're gonna have club hoppin' Barbie
With thongs as accessories
video hoe Barbie
abusive boyfriend sold separately
underaged Barbie
Kobe Bryant included
or 9/11 victim Barbie
and Ken is proud to get recruited
problem is all these teachings are womans decay
and my girlfriend' sitting up front and she's getting an A
this is where I start getting really pissed off ok
when the fuck did it become about
tuckin' in the gut I gotta get the bigger breast
shit I wanna fit a little better in a dress
so let me get a little skinny gotta fit into an itty bitty
size slimmer just to liven up the chest
please

teacher teacher I wanna give my oral presentation
cuz I have a problem with the class, and matter of fact, I have a damn problem with your
whole administration
you're the reason my girl won't sit across from me in restaurants
the reason that she thinks she's over fat in over ten spots
less gut less pudge less looks less real, more looks more love more Barbie
appeal?

oh shit
fuck Barbie and Ken

fuck Barbie and Ken
they're the reason 15 year old girls arms are slit
the reason 12 year olds think skinny is a compliment
And it's too late

it is too late
I can't write my way through these bathroom doors
So I raise my hand in class cuz I can't take it any more
Teacher teacher your lectures are all backwards
You got mothers and daughters forgetting what matters
Cuz above hips, ass, lips, legs, and uggs
The most real ass shit is women who don't give a fuck
So screw all your teachings your lessons and plans
You skewed sick distant relative of the man
Your plan for brainwashin' my baby I reject
I'm walkin' out of your class

and I will proudly take

my F

Now ain't that some real shit?? Watch the video here

I'm Working on Building Suspense. . .

       Tara McKinley sat in an armchair in her favorite Starbucks looking over her final draft for her grad school application. In her left hand was an iced coffee, and in her right, a cigarette. And she frowned as she smoked it. She promised her dad that she would quit months ago. He was constantly worried about her. Would call her at a moment's notice to make sure she didn't have a cigarette in her hand. She eyed the cigarette, frowned harder, and then smashed it down in the ashtray. There wasn't any reason that she shouldn't be able to quit. It was just a little stick. A cool, ashy tasting, mental -cool- down inducing kind of stick. Her cigarettes kept her from falling into the clutches of insanity in a world where everything depended on her being sane.

       Just as she reached to grab the cigarette and re-light it, she heard a cheery voice behind her, stopping her dead in her tracks.

        "I thought we agreed the cancer sticks weren't a good look." Tara turned to face the voice, which belonged to Janelle Simmons, her younger sister. 

        "Nelle, I thought you'd never make it." She stood, leaving the cigarette in the ashtray, to hug her sister. They shared a brief embrace and Janelle took her seat in the chair across from Tara's. 

         They spent a few minutes just looking each other over, it had been awhile since their last encounter. The two were so identical in looks, people often mistook them for twins. With Janelle being only eighteen months younger, she and Tara had the exact same body type. Curvy and lean, with the right assets to pull all of the wrong men. Something they both had learned at a young age. Mocha skin with chocolate eyes, and they both possessed long, flowing, black hair that hung down their backs. Well at least they had. 

         Janelle trained her eyes on Tara's new haircut. It stopped right at her ears, flattened to her head in big, soft curls. It enhanced the look of her big, brown eyes, and made her look her age at 28. 

         "So you cut your hair," Janelle stated, leaving all emotion from her voice. She didn't want to sound as if she were passing any judgment. It had been too long since she'd last seen her sister, and she didn't want to send her running for the hills, yet.
         "Yes, I decided it was time for a big change." Tara closed her laptop and put it in her Coach handbag. A little treat to herself, costing her upwards of four hundred dollars. Tara shivered at the idea of looking at her credit card bill at the end of the month. She had been buying a lot of little treats for herself ever since she had found the panties. She shook the thoughts away before they could even begin to plague her mind and looked into her little sister's eyes.
         She wanted like hell to be able to just let her guard down and tell Janelle everything. They were sisters, and before last year, they had been the best of friends. She didn't know Janelle like she used to, and she didn't know how she would react to the news. But she needed to tell somebody before she drove herself crazy. Her little treats could only sustain her for so long.
         "So what made you pick up and decide to finally call me?" Tara chuckled. Leave it to Janelle to break the ice and clear the tension. "I mean, we haven't talked in almost a year, and the last time we did speak, I recall you saying you never wanted to see or hear from me again. So this must be pretty heavy." Tara sighed. She was right, if it weren't for this, she wouldn't have reached out to her. So she would just have to come out with it.
         She took a deep breath and braced herself before whispering, "I'm divorcing Marlon."

        

    

Sometimes You Have to Ask Yourself: Who's Loving You?

Sometimes a good conversation, or even a bad conversation, can bring out the most astonishing of revelations. I never realized how headstrong I am. But talking to some of my friends has convinced me that my self-esteem is at an all-time high. I just spoke with a good friend of mine who recently broke up with her boyfriend of four years. She wrote a note on fb simply expressing how she was feeling about her entire situation (i.e. moving out of town, her job, friends, etc) not just the boy. One of her friends commented on the note and basically shit on her entire existence as a person. But what blew me away the most was my friend's reaction to the comment. She was so hurt and confused, and she made the note private. Already being confused by what's going on in her relationship or lack thereof, her mind is even more on the fence now because her friend gave her all this shit about the situation. I promptly explained to her that she couldn't allow what anybody felt, thought, or said about her to tear her down so easily. Life is hard enough without all the extra, so why would you allow someone to come in, take charge of your shit, and make things worse? Me, I'm not having it. After my freshman year of high school, I constructed a steel wall around my brain, so there's no way anybody could ever knock it down and force me to think or feel anything that isn't naturally Tia. You might call it stubborn, but I call it confident. I trust myself to know what's good for me at least. I spend 24 hours a day with myself, so I believe I know what to tweak and when to tweak it to make whatever I need to happen a reality. So I stand firm in whatever I believe, and unless I go looking for advice on any given situation, that firm foundation does not crack. Self-esteem is kind of like trust, in the sense that it is a foundation that needs to be continuously built upon until it can fully support one's sanity, which by the laws of nature, is already a fragile thing. I never go looking for acceptance; its not mandatory for my day-to-day survival. I'm going to grind and get mine whether you bitches like it or not, because at the end of the day, I have to be able to live with myself. When everything's all said and done, I'm the one who has to live with whatever decision was made, so Tia Love will be the only one making executive decisions where Tia Love is considered. Feel me?? No one can shatter my confidence, because it's damn near unbreakable. It took me years to build, and no sticks, stones, words or phrases are going to tear down the Great Wall of Tia. Thanks n God Bless :)

XoXo

Lupe (STEPPING LAS3R TOUR)

Sooooo last night, I saw the amazing man, Lupe Fiasco in concert at the Rave. The atmosphere was filled with smoke, I was fighting with my guy, and I was all by my lonesome, but none of that mattered once Lupe stepped on the fucking stage and did his fucking thing. Such an artist!!!!!  I managed to get a few video clips on my busted ass G1, they're okay quality, and if you want to hear better, turn the volume down a bit. Yeah, the clips are cool, but nothing is like being there in person. NOTHING BEATS THAT.

Shining Down

In Honor of National Poetry Month

To celebrate some of the most creative-minded people on this Earth, we offer up the beautifully sad month of April (sad because there's sooo much rain). "Poets paint their pictures on the canvass of the mind. . . " and their words often resonate deep within us, inciting a revolution against all that is not right in our world. When your soul hurts, sometimes all you have to do is grab a Chai Tea and sit back with a good book of poetry and I promise that glass will start to look a lot less empty.

Today I'm posting a poem by gay activist Andrea Gibson entitled "Say Yes." If you do not like this poem or it does not strike a tiny chord in your heart, then you are a conservative and in that case, suck my left nut.

Say Yes

when two violins are placed in a room
if a chord on one violin is struck
the other violin will sound the note
if this is your definition of hope
this is for you
the ones who know how powerful we are
who know we can sound the music in the people around us
simply by playing our own strings
for the ones who sing life into broken wings
open their chests and offer their breath
as wind on a still day when nothing seems to be moving
spare those intent on proving god is dead
for you when your fingers are red
from clutching your heart
so it will beat faster
for the time you mastered the art of giving yourself for the sake of someone else
for the ones who have felt what it is to crush the lies
and lift truth so high the steeples bow to the sky
this is for you
this is also for the people who wake early to watch flowers bloom
who notice the moon at noon on a day when the world
has slapped them in the face with its lack of light
for the mothers who feed their children first
and thirst for nothing when they’re full

this is for women
and for the men who taught me only women bleed with the moon
but there are men who cry when women bleed
men who bleed from women’s wounds
and this is for that moon
on the nights she seems hung by a noose
for the people who cut her loose
and for the people still waiting for the rope to burn
about to learn they have scissors in their hands

this is for the man who showed me
the hardest thing about having nothing
is having nothing to give
who said the only reason to live is to give ourselves away
so this is for the day we’ll quit or jobs and work for something real
we’ll feel for sunshine in the shadows
look for sunrays in the shade
this is for the people who rattle the cage that slave wage built
and for the ones who didn’t know the filth until tonight
but right now are beginning songs that sound something like
people turning their porch lights on and calling the homeless back home

this is for all the shit we own
and for the day we’ll learn how much we have
when we learn to give that shit away
this is for doubt becoming faith
for falling from grace and climbing back up
for trading our silver platters for something that matters
like the gold that shines from our hands when we hold each other

this is for the grandmother who walked a thousand miles on broken glass
to find that single patch of grass to plant a family tree
where the fruit would grow to laugh
for the ones who know the math of war
has always been subtraction
so they live like an action of addition
for you when you give like every star is wishing on you
and for the people still wishing on stars
this is for you too

this is for the times you went through hell so someone else wouldn’t have to
for the time you taught a 14 year old girl she was powerful
this is for the time you taught a 14 year old boy he was beautiful
for the radical anarchist asking a republican to dance
cause what’s the chance of everyone moving from right to left
if the only moves they see are NBC and CBS
this is for the no becoming yes
for scars becoming breath
for saying i love you to people who will never say it to us
for scraping away the rust and remembering how to shine
for the dime you gave away when you didn’t have a penny
for the many beautiful things we do
for every song we’ve ever sung
for refusing to believe in miracles
because miracles are the impossible coming true
and everything is possible

this is for the possibility that guides us
and for the possibilities still waiting to sing
and spread their wings inside us
cause tonight saturn is on his knees
proposing with all of his ten thousand rings
that whatever song we’ve been singing we sing even more
the world needs us right now more than it ever has before
pull all your strings
play every chord
if you’re writing letters to the prisoners
start tearing down the bars
if you’re handing out flashlights in the dark
start handing our stars
never go a second hushing the percussion of your heart
play loud
play like you know the clouds have left too many people cold and broken
and you’re their last chance for sun
play like there’s no time for hoping brighter days will come
play like the apocalypse is only 4…3…2
but you have a drum in your chest that could save us
you have a song like a breath that could raise us
like the sunrise into a dark sky that cries to be blue
play like you know we won’t survive if you don’t
but we will if you do
play like saturn is on his knees
proposing with all of his ten thousand rings
that we give every single breath
this is for saying-yes

this is for saying-yes