My Favorite Books

  • The Autobiography of Malcolm X
  • Perfect Timing by Brenda Jackson
  • The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe by J. Randy Taraborrelli
  • The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
  • The Giver by Lois Lowry
  • The entire Harry Potter Series
  • The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
  • Dying for Revenge by Eric Jerome Dickey
  • What Happened to Lani Garver by Carol Plum-Ucci
  • Midnight by Sista Souljah

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Cleaning Out My Closet Pt. 1

This is me, de-cluttering my mind && detaching myself from the shit that wants to knock me down, bury me under, and make me a prisoner on life's terms.

To authoritative figure in my life who abused their power to try && ruin my life: BIG FUCK YOU. There are more choice words I would like to use and ways in which I would love to tell you to fuck yourself but to do so would give you the upper hand in the situation. I could care less for your shitty position in life and I can only pray that things straighten out in your life so that you can stop blaming your subordinates every time your husband spends another night with a different woman.

To the people who said they would be here forever(i.e. "friends"): if I were angry I would wish for you to fall off the face of this earth. But anger is only a secondary emotion that covers for the primary, which in my case is pain. I'm hurt by your actions and confused by your lack of a motive. Is this your idea of friendship?? You hurt me when things don't work out in your favor?? Miss me with that high school bullshit because you're only becoming another number on a long list of reasons to commit myself. I don't need you nor do I want you here if I relationship is so fragile that something so minor could shake our shit to the core. I need bold, strong, stable people in my life. And that is not you.

To my parents: next time, try a condom

To kendall hayes: you are the scum on the bottom of satan's shoe. Every negative emotion there it to feel about a person, I feel for you. I don't want you to die, as a matter of fact I hope you live a long life. And as the years go on, I hope that every woman you get involved with takes you to the edge of love's bliss and pushes you right off the cliff so when you hit the ground, your heart can shatter into invisible fragments. && then I want you to try loving someone with those little pieces and watch them shatter that too. You are not deserving of the sunshine in your eyes so may it forever rain on your parade. And you know how you always used to put me down & tell me no one would ever love me the way you do, I found somebody to do it [BIGGER && BETTER.]

To the sick fucks who rape & molest: I do hope u die, a long slow death. And if there is a hell, I hope u go there and have ur flesh peeled by the devil himself. You are not deserving of the next breaths God has graced you with but my rage won't take them away from you. So I can only rant & rave to soothe my pain.

To the innocent victims of rape & sexual assault: I shed a tear for you every day. I know its hard. I know that on most nights you wake up in a cold sweat; your heart seized with terror. These are merely symptoms that can't be controlled. But you can control your own life. Don't allow your experience to take your life & or your smile away. There's a reason you survived :)

To my Aki: in my darkest hour, you came to me with a lit soul && profound wisdom. You offered me your smile in exchange for my thoughts. Helped pick me up & put me on the road to recovery. Where other ppl failed, you succeeded. And for that I will always love you. No matter where this is headed or what happens to our future together, you will always hold a special place in my heart as the extraordinary man who pushed me to my limit and made me feel safe again. Gracias. And for as long as your are my King && I your Queen, I will always have your back & protect your position in the big game of chess that is life. 831

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