Updates!!

I've finally moved out on my own. Me and Zyon are slowly but surely coming up in the world! My boss talked to me yesterday morning about a possible promotion and I just couldn't be happier. . . .well, there could be a man here to rock my world every now and then, but in due time :) :) :)

Change is Good

Motherhood has changed me. . . or pregnancy I should say. I haven't actually held my baby in my arms yet, looked into his beautiful eyes, and whispers the secrets of the universe in his tiny ears, but I've shared so much of who I am with this tiny person. Zyon Gregory Butler is an individual asking nothing more of me than to be loved and fed. He does not ask me to change who I am in order to be loved in return. He loves me just as I am. And for that reason alone, these last eight months have changed me. I've never been an entirely selfish human being, but there was always room for growth. Since January 24, 2011, when I read the positive pregnancy test result, my life began to take shape. Slowly, I realized it isn't really about me. In the grand scheme of things, it isn't about any of us individually. It's about the footprint we plan to leave on this Earth as a memoir to our time spent here. I've gone to college, read the books, and conversed with many different individuals; and it took for me to create this life that is now growing inside of me, to understand my purpose. And it is to give life to this individual, who I believe will grow up to change the world. He's already induced astronomical change in the life of his parents-to-be, so one can only wonder what's next. . .

Toys vs. The Real Deal

When you have standards its so hard to find a good man to handle business in the bedroom on a regular basis. So a lot of women turn to sex toys. And they try it all. From pretty little pink dildos to that vibrator you put on your finger to work the clit with. They have it all. And its nice. It definitely gives you some nice orgasms, but no matter how great the coital bliss, there's nothing more intimate then being skin to skin with a man who's ready and willing and knows exactly how to work the magic stick. I'm just saying.

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When the Hormones Strike

So. Is it just me, or does every little thing set me way off??? This can't really be life right? I've almost completely disowned my baby sister. I never want to wear panties and my appetite??? I could eat an entire baby ox by myself. At least thats how I feel. On most days, I want to have sex with the man who put me in this position. But of course I'll never tell him that. Pride and the fact that he has a gf won't let me. Also, i'm kind of weary of all of my new family members, aka, my baby's other side of the family. I love them as much as they love me, but I've just never had such a big family. This whole family thing will take some getting used to. But at least I'll have a beautiful new baby in 5 months to show for all of the trouble.

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ANNOYED

Today has been one of my more generally exhausting days at work. I presented the All About Me project to my students and they seemed to be pretty receptive to it. Or maybe they were just excited to see me showcase more of my weirdness. Either way, it was a good half-hour this morning. But when I came back from the medical center to get my TB test, they were outrageously out of hand. More so than usual. We worked on problem-solving and ratios, and the teacher that I work with got it ALL WRONG. And I'm just worried that my students are going to go into the WKCE in a few weeks and perform terribly on the Math portion because he's constantly misinforming them. And how am I supposed to counteract that as a tutor?? As a student, you're taught to believe everything that comes out of your teacher's mouth. I'm new here. SO WHAT DO I DO??? idk idk idk idk. Good news today though, I finally got my focus list of students I'll be working with one-on-one this year. Yay. . . .

For the Deep Thinkers of the Universe

"if you fear the gun you will never be calm enough to hit your target." -- African Proverb

Love Letter to My Razor

See

You and i
What we have is a love-hate relationship
And even though its going to pain me to do this
I kinda figure you’re gonna be able to relate to it
i. . .
gotta let you go
you’ve hurt me so good
and although we’ve bled together
you are not good for my soul
you damaged the most visible parts of me
to give a voice to the part of me that no one could see
and I hear you
loud and clear baby
the fat lady has sung
and the curtains have closed
because our love was built on a foundation
of my failures unsewed
I must admit that I used you
Took your beautiful, sharp edges
And showcased my ugliness
Bared my teeth when you and I were alone
With you, I permanently inscribed the lyrics to my soul’s poem
So lines that will never fade into the background
Serve as a permanent reminder of pain I couldn’t take
Inflicted on a life I had no desire to live
I love you
But I’ve just got to leave
Because being with you chips away at the very best parts of me
And I only love you
Because you teach me how to hate myself so well
So to this love-hate relationship
I’m saying farewell
And eventually, I’ll learn how to deal when shit hits the fan
And life’s fecal matter is splayed across my face
But I can’t use you anymore
Because I want a chance to live the life you threatened to erase
I’ll always remember your cold, gleaming smile
And the edginess that cut deep;
Made my tears run a river of red
I love you
But somebody else will be sleeping in your bed
I’m moving on