People come and go. . . friends come and go. . . some family members come and go. . . but is love really forever? What forces people to put themselves through the most painful situations over and over again, all in the name of love? I know I do it. I've been dealing with the same man for the last 5 years, and the last two, have been the roughest. Communication, which used to be the easiest facet of the relationship for us, is now a foreign language. We're two separate continents, planets even. And I'm not sure either of us has the patience to take language classes to even try and understand. My heart. . . is a big empty void. Where warm love once was, there's only ice. I've shut off my most natural feelings, responding only as a human being who is merely existing. And I don't entirely blame him. It takes two to fuck up a relationship. But how many does it take to set broken hearts, put sutures in deep wounds, and mend what was torn? Who knows? We have a baby on the way. . . so where do we go from here? Friends. How many of us have them? Raise your hand if you can count on two hands the number of people you call at 2 in the am if you have to bury the body of your recently murdered boyfriend. Exactly. In this last year or so, I've learned to let go of the hurt, trust and love those closest to me, and letting go of those who only wanted to bring me harm or drama. No time for the past bullshit in my present or future. Like Jay-Z said, "on to the next one." Friends. Sometimes, I feel like its purely a facade. But then I look in the smiling eyes of my bestest of eight years or my co worker who has helped through so much in the 7 months that I've known her, and I ask myself. How can it be a facade? I don't know. My heart's all confused right now . Sorry to get all emotional with you guys on hump day, but I had to let it out. I leave you with some kind words to get you through the rest of the week:
"the game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well." --H.T. Leslie
We can all change a negative into a positive.
XoXo,
T.
