Moment of Honesty #1

I must admit that when it comes to my heart, I'm not always 100% sure what's going on. All I know is that I want to be loved. Genuinely. By a man who understands that real love is unconditional. Sex is not a way to my heart. And a smile and true words go farther than anything you could purchase in a store. I know I want these things, but because I have yet to find them, I can't help wondering if I'm just hopelessly wandering. Setting my standards too high so that I'll purposely remain single. That way, no one can hurt me.

Dear Byheem

These words are some of the hardest I've ever had to say, but it would be selfish of me to keep them to myself. In the past two and half years, getting to know you has been an intriguing process. Your inner design is so well put together and different from most of the guys I know. As you know, I am extremely attracted to you. Our sexual chemistry is so off the charts and we haven't even touched yet. We vibe so well sexually because our mental connection is unrivaled. Never have I met a man in all my years of dating that respected my mind so much. When I used to talk to my daddy about men and the kind of guys I should let in my life, I now understand that you were the kind of man he was speaking of. I feel like with you, I can be 100% Tia. Authentically ME. And you accept everything that comes with that.
Whether or not you know it, you've helped me through some pretty trying times. Fights with my daddy, friends, issues with my self-esteem, and the list goes on. On many different occasions, you've made me feel like a woman that's beautiful enough to be desired. Celibacy for me is hard because I'm such a sexual being, but talking to you all the time reminds me that there are real men out there who are worthy of the wait and what's between my legs. You are such a great black man. I know there's much more to your story, but the parts you have shown me are unique and awe-inspiring. From the ugliness of the situation with your son and his mother to the beauty that is your God given talent. I want all parts of that.
It wasn't hard for me to admit this to myself, but its hard for me to admit it to you. I love you. I care about you. And I want to see you happy.

Love,
Tia

Congratulations and Moving Forward

Today, one of my best friends graduated from college with her bachelors in the College of Letters and Sciences at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. At 21 years old, Rashidah Butler did something I can only dream about currently. She faced odds, beat them, and then walked all over them with bad ass brown pumps. Seeing her shout across the stage in what would be her final interaction as an undergrad brought a slew of tears to my eyes. I was so proud and I know that she will only continue to amaze in her achievements. Watching someone so close to me handle their business in such a swift and concise manner inspired me. Moved me to open my eyes to what has become my reality. I am a mother. I am raising the most feared being on this Earth: a black man. And I need to do this shit like there's nothing else that matters in life. Because really there isn't. So in the completion of her studies as an undergrad, I have awakened something inside of me to hop on my business and prepare to go back to school. Because really, what other option do i have?

friendship

so i thank God everyday for my sisters Micala, Rashidah, Alyssa, and Tashina. . . my pregnancy would not have gone as smooth as it did if it weren't for real ride or dies

The Motto

i'm always keep my heels high, and my standards even higher. lames don't make it this high up, they're prone to catching nosebleeds

Pick Your Side

#teambadbitch

some interesting text messages

girl: what are you doing?
boy: playing the game, wassup?
girl: i want you to send me a picture
boy: i want you to come take one
girl: your responses to certain things make me wet
boy: what are u doing??? where r ur fingers?
girl: preoccupied with groceries. . . should they be doing other things?
boy: idk should they?
girl: to alleviate some of this frustration. . . probably

Updates!!

I've finally moved out on my own. Me and Zyon are slowly but surely coming up in the world! My boss talked to me yesterday morning about a possible promotion and I just couldn't be happier. . . .well, there could be a man here to rock my world every now and then, but in due time :) :) :)

Change is Good

Motherhood has changed me. . . or pregnancy I should say. I haven't actually held my baby in my arms yet, looked into his beautiful eyes, and whispers the secrets of the universe in his tiny ears, but I've shared so much of who I am with this tiny person. Zyon Gregory Butler is an individual asking nothing more of me than to be loved and fed. He does not ask me to change who I am in order to be loved in return. He loves me just as I am. And for that reason alone, these last eight months have changed me. I've never been an entirely selfish human being, but there was always room for growth. Since January 24, 2011, when I read the positive pregnancy test result, my life began to take shape. Slowly, I realized it isn't really about me. In the grand scheme of things, it isn't about any of us individually. It's about the footprint we plan to leave on this Earth as a memoir to our time spent here. I've gone to college, read the books, and conversed with many different individuals; and it took for me to create this life that is now growing inside of me, to understand my purpose. And it is to give life to this individual, who I believe will grow up to change the world. He's already induced astronomical change in the life of his parents-to-be, so one can only wonder what's next. . .

Toys vs. The Real Deal

When you have standards its so hard to find a good man to handle business in the bedroom on a regular basis. So a lot of women turn to sex toys. And they try it all. From pretty little pink dildos to that vibrator you put on your finger to work the clit with. They have it all. And its nice. It definitely gives you some nice orgasms, but no matter how great the coital bliss, there's nothing more intimate then being skin to skin with a man who's ready and willing and knows exactly how to work the magic stick. I'm just saying.

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When the Hormones Strike

So. Is it just me, or does every little thing set me way off??? This can't really be life right? I've almost completely disowned my baby sister. I never want to wear panties and my appetite??? I could eat an entire baby ox by myself. At least thats how I feel. On most days, I want to have sex with the man who put me in this position. But of course I'll never tell him that. Pride and the fact that he has a gf won't let me. Also, i'm kind of weary of all of my new family members, aka, my baby's other side of the family. I love them as much as they love me, but I've just never had such a big family. This whole family thing will take some getting used to. But at least I'll have a beautiful new baby in 5 months to show for all of the trouble.

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